#HUMOR FOR THE COMPLACENT

Dr. Sneeze Stephens Self-Serve Scientific Method for Autodidact Polymaths

  1. Define a question

  2. Gather information and resources (observe)

  3. Form an explanatory hypothesis

  4. Test the hypothesis by performing an experiment and collecting data in a reproducible manner

  5. Analyze the data

  6. Interpret the data and draw conclusions that serve as a starting point for a new hypothesis

  7. Publish results

  8. Form a consensus with your pedantic, pretentious peers. Proudly proclaim to the world, “Scientists have figured out everything.” Then join the new religion called Scientific Fundamentalism which bans non-graduates of elitist universities from participating in science thus dichotomizing priestly caste and dogmatist believers in materialistic nihilistic world religion. With a decade of diligent brainwashing at university, you finally have a tribe who gives your ego the validation it deserves after being picked on all those years, right nerd? Becoming a scientist has made you a real boy. Put thumb in rectum. Swirl. Burn diploma. Rinse and repeat. Scientifically proven to relieve pretension caused by graduation from elitist university. Science is humble. Scientists are arrogant pricks. Science is a great tool for discerning reality. Scientists know nothing. 

Clues Human Life Shouldn't Be Taken Seriously

PD

You’re telling me that new life on earth came out between the pee hole and the shit hole?

STEVE

I know it sounds like a joke, but that’s really how it was down there. Solid waste came out one hole, liquid waste another hole, and then a new human would pop out somewhere in the middle.

PD

How bizarre.

STEVE

And everything down there on earth had to kill other things and grind them up with our face holes.

I Accept Your Plateau

Your profession of putting people in boxes has so repressed the authentic Self within you that you aren’t here at all. It’s so engrained in you, you have no awareness of the fact that every expression of you is from a place of identification, and your analysis of every individual in your presence is an extended expression of your limitations. ‘You’re the type of person who…’ fill in the blank. ‘I’m the type of person who…’ fill in the blank. You’re not even aware that you’re not in the moment when you’re talking about how to be in the moment. You’re not even aware that you sit in judgement as you speak of no judgement. Everything is judgement in a taxonomic breakdown of identity. Your plateau has rewarded you for your hierarchical classification ‘skills’, and so you believe it to be a strength, but there’s only one of us here. I’m arguing with a textbook and then getting frustrated when all that comes back is analytic data.

The Artist Formerly Known As Robert LaSalle Wins 2022 High School Superlative: “Most Likely To Drown Beneath Incessant Noise Of Disinformation Age”

None of your favorite writers read about how to write. None of your favorite songwriters required musical lessons. None of your spiritual, ontological or existential teachers required spiritual, ontological or existential teaching. Writers write. Creators create. Seekers seek. Believers believe. And repeaters repeat. Welcome to the age of inauthenticity, The Disinformation Age, the first time in history where everyone's an artist, and there's no art left in artistry, where creativity goes to die under the red carpet where "content” holds it’s daily high school popularity contest, and True Artists are pushed unto the sidelines unacknowledged in the noise of competitive babbling, likes, follows and claps.

The Quest for Truth Begins In Lies

Riding bikes up Oakleaf Drive, Dereck asked, “Why don’t you go to church?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, “Why should I go to church?”

“Well, if you’re not a Christian, you go to hell.”

“Oh.”

“All you have to do is ask Jesus to forgive you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Just say, ‘Jesus, please forgive me of my sins.’””

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No, just say it.”

“Jesus, forgive me of my sins.”

“OK, you’re saved.”

“Saved from hell?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, thank God for that.”

Your Society Always Has Your Best Interests In Mind

As long as you sleep less than four hours each night and fill your entire schedule with useless tasks, appointments, and meetings, you never have to confront any existential truths -or lies. Just fill your days and nights with doubt, worry, stress and fear. This is called success. Great job! You did it. Your peers will applaud you for your “ambition” and “hard work.” You will feel as though it’s all meaningless, but your society values your unique contributions.

Cosmic News I (Ned the Fish)

Ned the fish has evolved in time and space, as one does in the Cosmos. The consciousness that is Ned the Fish has become entirely sentient but not yet conscious. It’s a tricky place in time and space, where one species on a planet becomes aware but not yet conscious. This is the period when 99% of species in the Cosmos destroy themselves. This species on planet Earth call themselves… Hu-mans.