I beg for a light until I see one
By the time I see it
Don’t know if I invented it or not
Is it real?
I don’t know what’s real
Not for real
But I’m going to follow it regardless
I couldn’t follow anything blindly
I follow a thing bigger than anything else I have known
When I can’t find it I’m lost
My visions where I’m inanimate
Stuck outside space-time
In a dark void of eternal dread
There’s the presence of a taunting laughter
And it’s a familiar presence
I know you
You’re the lady at the end of the line
The voice right before I die
A light red color I’ve felt viscerally before and after
I know you from nitrous oxide too, ticking breaths
You’re always there in between life and death
I know who knows you and doesn’t know they know you
I know you
You showed me my birth
I heard my father’s voice as I popped out of the womb
You’re the last stop before I die
I know you
Was that real?
Am I stuck in a dark void taunted for eternity?
Is that the truest hell?
You know how I know it isn’t real?
Because music. And mountains. And love.
I experienced them all inside of me
The external stimuli seems real,
But it’s certainly fooled me before
My devil’s advocate tells me
If you experienced it all inside you,
The dark void could be reality
You could’ve created this life as an abstraction from that dark void
But then I answer, even then, if all this is inside me, it’s a fucking beautiful dark void
Even if I’m alone for all eternity and I made this all up, I love my imagination and I find value in it
If the worse case scenario is that the light is a sick joke,
I’m still going to follow it