Chasing kundalini high
grog malaise
New Age nonsense-mongers
they paint spirituality as a tranquil thing
peaceful, sweet godness
I scream
I die in spite of every goddam day
This is a goddam war!
I do not know who’s winning
Suicide still sings superficial songs
of hope in the last ditch
No, spirituality is not tranquil
It’s a daily revelation that the artist wasn’t actually facing himself
the artist only glorified his shadow
The spirit must face the fucking shadow
And what a goddam thing that is
long, long, long
What a long, lonesome tail
gruesome tailbone
cyst in the seat of her grace
hammer to the face
Chasing light is no means
of capturing light
I once sang, “Only marionettes
Dancing in the night
Chasing their shadows
Somehow they find the light”
I sometimes think my body is beyond reproach
beyond repair
This, in lieu of music, these words
this is my vigilant attempt
this is my only hammer
useless?
I don’t know where the fucking nails are
It’s like bedbugs
they’re easy to kill when you can find them!
it doesn’t matter what kind of “spray”
when you don’t know where they are
Demons, shadows, bad energy, these are all dumb words
for some karmic substance we carry
some experiential ire which plagues
mind-emotion, body, and yes, “energy”
May need a socket wrench to rip open this retched being-ness
this thing I Am hath become manifested as man
Yes, Sadhguru, Yes Socrates, I take responsibility
What I Am now, I Am because of some pastime unknown to my present
I have fleeting glimpses of lifetimes of misery, many suicides
I never venture too far or attempt to know those fleeting glimpses
I never pretend glimpses are truths
I don’t grasp onto them
I don’t want to hold this shit anymore
none of it
I want out
I want out
I want out
Every day I pray, “God, let me out of this trap”
this body may be a gift in some sense
perhaps I was even MORE trapped before this
this was the sense I used to get when I came close to ending it
I must remind myself to find gratitude
Regardless, I want out
I do not wish to be a human
I want freedom
I want freedom
I want freedom